How to Deal with Toddler Tantrums During Bedtime

It’s 7 PM. You’ve done the bath, the books, the snuggles, and just as you’re about to tuck your little one in, BOOM—meltdown mode. The tears start, the back-arching begins, and suddenly, your toddler is fighting bedtime like it’s their 'full-time job'. Sound familiar?

First off, toddler tantrums at bedtime are completely normal. They don’t mean you’re doing something wrong. They don’t mean your child is “bad.” They’re simply a sign that your little one’s brain is still developing, and they need your help learning how to transition from playtime to sleep mode.

So, let’s talk about how we can handle bedtime tantrums in a way (backed by science), that keeps both you and your little one sane.

Toddlers aren’t tiny adults. Their brains are still under construction, especially the prefrontal cortex, which controls impulse regulation and emotional processing. This means that when they’re overtired, overstimulated, or just not feeling bedtime, their ability to self-soothe is pretty much nonexistent.

According to child development experts, bedtime tantrums can be triggered by:

✔ Overtiredness: When toddlers are too tired, their bodies release cortisol (a stress hormone), making it even harder for them to settle down.
✔ Separation anxiety: Around ages 1-3, many kids experience a fear of being apart from you, which can make bedtime feel scary.
✔ Lack of routine: If bedtime is unpredictable, toddlers may resist because they don’t know what to expect.
✔ Need for control: Toddlers are in a phase where they crave independence. Saying "no" to sleep is one of the few ways they feel in charge.

Understanding why tantrums happen is step one. Now, let’s dive into how to stop the bedtime battles.

Toddlers thrive on predictability. If bedtime feels chaotic, their brains stay on high alert, making sleep harder. A solid, consistent routine helps signal that sleep is coming.

Try this simple bedtime routine:

✔ Start winding down 30-60 minutes before bed. Dim the lights, turn off screens, and create a quiet environment.
✔ Follow the same steps every night. A warm bath, PJs, a bedtime story, and a goodnight hug—all in the same order—help your toddler’s brain associate these cues with sleep.
✔ Give them choices. “Do you want to read Goodnight Moon or Brown Bear tonight?” Offering small choices gives them a sense of control.

Ever notice how your toddler goes from yawning to full-on hyper mode in a matter of minutes? That’s because if you miss their natural sleepy cues, their body releases a second wind of cortisol, making sleep harder.

Signs your toddler is ready for bed:

• Rubbing their eyes
• Yawning
• Clinginess or fussiness
• Staring off into space

If you see these signs, act fast! Get them into bed before they hit overtired meltdown mode.

When your toddler screams, “NO BEDTIME!” at the top of their lungs, it’s tempting to say, “Fine, just one more show.” But giving in teaches them that tantrums = getting what they want.

Instead, try this:

Name their feelings.
“I know you’re mad because you want to keep playing. It’s hard to stop when you’re having fun.”

Set a boundary with love.

“It’s okay to feel upset, but it’s still bedtime.”

Offer comfort.

A big hug or a few minutes of snuggles can help them feel secure.

Toddlers love feeling important. Give them a bedtime role to make them feel involved.

✔ “You’re in charge of turning on the nightlight!”
✔ “You get to pick the bedtime story.”

A little responsibility can go a long way in reducing resistance.

Your toddler’s sleep space should be cozy and distraction-free.

✔ Cool, dark, and quiet: The ideal sleep environment is around 68-72°F, with blackout curtains and white noise if needed.
✔ Comfort items: A lovey, stuffed animal, or special blanket can provide security.
✔ Minimal stimulation: Avoid flashy nightlights, noisy toys, or screens before bed.

I know—it’s HARD to stay cool when your toddler is losing it. But your energy affects them more than you realize. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, take a deep breath before responding. Your calm presence helps regulate their nervous system, making it easier for them to settle.

Toddler bedtime tantrums are tough, and if tonight is a rough one? Take a deep breath, pour yourself a cup of tea (or wine, no judgment), and remind yourself that you’re doing an amazing job.

What If They Keep Getting Out of Bed?

If your toddler keeps escaping, try the silent return method (if you prefer another strategy, don't hesitate to reach out to one of our certified pediatric sleep consultants).

• Step 1: Calmly walk them back to bed without engaging.
• Step 2: Repeat as many times as needed without making it a power struggle.
• Step 3: Reinforce positive behavior: “I love how you stayed in bed tonight! High five!”

Over time, they’ll learn that bedtime means staying in bed.